This month is that time of the year when students in Indonesia who have already graduated high school scramble to apply for universities of their, or of their parents, choosing. For those who have already had plan on what they want to do in the future, they will know which university and faculty to apply to. For those who are still unsure, they may find themselves in a life crisis. You may find yourselves asking a lot of questions such as: "What do I want to do?", "Which university should I choose?", "Will I be okay if I choose this subject?", "What is the meaning of my life?", and so on. Looking back, I too was one of those students who didn't know what I wanted to do, I still kind of don't know what should I want even now.
I applied for a university about six and a half years ago. I didn't actually have clear goal on what I wanted to do for a living. My parents wanted me to become a doctor but deep down I didn't have passion for anything. Just like you, I was at lost. I contemplated a lot but the deadline was closing in so I had to choose. In the end I went with my parents' idea for my first choice. I was thinking since they were the one who raised me, they must at least know what was good for me, I didn't know what I wanted to do anyway so I went with it.
The second choice was pharmacy, I came up with it because I was good in chemistry; not that I liked this particular subject but it was the subject in which had the best mark compared to other subjects. Also even if I turned out I didn't like the subject I thought that at least I would not struggle too much with it. As for which university I should study those subjects in, I chose the ones outside my hometown. Any public university which was far enough from my hometown was good enough for me.
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Which way to go? Photo by Jens Lelie on Unsplash |
Some of my friends got accepted without test, but I didn't work hard enough so I had to take national entrance exam. I really envied them since they knew what they're doing so they got to prepare really hard. Despite I was still feeling unsure with my choices, I thought that I should just focus on the test. I aimed to get accepted first and worried about my choices after. If tried hard enough, anything would turn out okay or so I thought.
On the announcement day, I was nervous even though I lacked passion, I did try hard for the test after all. I found out that I was accepted in my second choice. I wasn't very enthusiastic but I would lie if I said I wasn't happy. And so I prepared for the documents for the enrollment, one of them was a letter from doctor to verify that I was colorblind free.
Long story short, I found out that I am colorblind, I was unable to read Ishihara Plates perfectly. The pharmacy department would not accept me despite I passed entrance exam, and so the university would transfer me to any social study department of my choosing. Again, I was at lost. The sudden revelation that I was actually colorblind (color vision deficiency) came as a shock. Nobody, not even my parents, knew. At that point I felt really confused and also angry, mixed negative emotions. The thought that there would be more uncertainties ahead of me really discouraged me. But I had to decide and to move on, and so I chose accounting.
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| I am green blind. Generated via: http://www.notquite.me/CBTest |
And so my unexpected journey began that day. Colorblindness altered my course of life significantly. I would like to tell you more about what happened next but this article has become too long, so I will continue the story some other time. However from this experience alone, I learn very valuable life lessons.
- When in doubt, go consult it to other people who have more experience than you, such as your parents or advisor. Sometimes someone else may be able to see what you may have missed about yourself.
- When in doubts, do your own research, gather all known facts. If you don't know which subject you want to study in the future, then go check your scores. Even if you don't particularly like the subject but you are good at it, you may be able to enjoy it more in the future. Although don't choose subject that you do hate. If you don't know what you like, then do elimination process based on what you hate, it's easier to know if you dislike something.
- Life doesn't always go as you planned. There will be a lot of subverted expectations when it comes to university enrollment. But there's more life than just studying in university. Second best or third best options are not bad things to consider.
- Check if you have colorblindness as early as you can. Plan your life accordingly, some jobs requires you to have perfect vision, some are more accepting.
- Even if you don't know what you like yet, it's fine because life is fluid. Keep looking for your passions. If you have to choose now, choose the one that you are good at, trust your guts do your best. Even though you are uncertain about the future, give your all in the present time, then your future will be easier.
Not all those who wander are lost -- J.R.R Tolkien
I share this slice of story as a reminder for myself, some of you may be able to relate with it and perhaps the story will ease your mind a little bit. Do your best!